why me
by literalspoon
Summary: Meet the customer from hell. (For the YGO FF Contest's 13th season, first round! With deep, deep apologies to Rivalshippers.)


The cashier stretches his arms out over the counter, watching Kid #1924 leave the game shop. Only three hours into today's long shift, and already he's desperate for sleep, though all he gets is a few precious seconds of rest before he beckons Kid #1925 to hop forwards. The details are of little importance – behind Kid #1925 exists a line of other kids that stretches for what feels like an infinity – and so 'HELLO, MY NAME IS _Yugi'_ barely looks at him, just reaches for the small foil packet clenched tightly in his hand. A little tugging ensues, but a thin smile (and a hard tug) soon sees the trading cards on the countertop.

"Booster Pack Three? Uh, that'll be six dollars." And a swipe of a card brings Kid#1925 either five cards closer to a winning hand in the upcoming tournament, or six dollars closer to his parents realizing what he's been doing with their credit card. Probably both. "Enjoy your cards…"

Yugi doesn't bother finishing, just puts his elbows on the counter, watches the kid wobble out, and curses his own bad luck. Not that he _swears_ , but he certainly wishes he wasn't lumbered serving kids all holidays while his friends play and prepare for the tournament in equal turns. He wants to be with Anzu in those cool selfies she's been taking, standing next to her in a – he checks – a museum, with Bakura prattling away about the latest role–playing game. He wants to go with Jounouchi and – he checks –'sk8 fail', because as stupid as that sounds, he's sure it's a cool holiday thing, or at least something more interesting than unpaid slave labour in his granddad's game shop. But he can't – he promised Grandpa that he would work here for the school break, and though admittedly he didn't factor in the upcoming tournament into things, it might be worth whining about onli–

Kid #1926 coughs and moves forwards, the cocky little brat, and the cashier stuffs his phone into his pocket. There'll be time to mope about his loss of most of the holidays later. Right now, he has to look at the pack, smile, say it's six dollars fifty, then count each and every last one of the coins, which he does. His customer's one coin short, but insists he has it with the sort of petulance only a young boy can display. Yugi's just caring enough to let him look for it, and sure enough (or at least, five minutes of pocket–searching later), the missing five cents is discovered in the deepest, darkest reaches of Kid #1926's jacket. But just as he goes to hand it over, just as the most boring fetch-quest this side of Domino City is about to be completed - the impossible happens.

See, Yugi could have _sworn_ he just checked everyone's Tumblr accounts for new posts, and they were all out doing Nice–Looking Things. And yet, apparently one of them isn't accounted for - because the door to the game shop closes, just so whoever's on the other side can proceed to kick it in. It is indeed thoroughly kicked in - it crashes against the wall, takes out a dragon mobile and upsets a display of brightly–coloured dice. And as if all that wasn't enough of a cacophony, seconds later there's a general bawling because the door hit Kid #1931 when it was thrown open, and there's a _roar_ of "YUUUUUUUGIIIIIII", every capital letter harsh, important, ugly. The cashier shivers in fear and anticipation, cranes his neck to try and see who's recovering from the attack of the mighty (cardboard) dragon – someone's here, someone who knows him is here to end his lonely, dull day. Maybe he didn't check in on Honda, maybe he's ready to rescue him from Card–Selling Hell, maybe, maybe, maybe…

 _…oh._

Well, at least the mysterious newcomer is someone who knows him. A pity that it has to be the one person not mysteriously–in–a–mental–institution–or–full–body–cast who still hates Yugi, but you can't have it all. "Kaiba!" he exclaims, flashing a broad grin in recognition. It's one that soon wavers at the sight of one (1) furious CEO storming down the line towards him, but at least he tried. By the time Kaiba's hurled his briefcase onto the counter, his mouth's a thin line, and he's too worried about what might be in store to bother questioning the fact that Kaiba just shoved his way to the front of the queue. In fact, it's all he can do to not shrink back when the young buisnessman rips the case open as though he's gutting a fish. There's a violent twisting and clawing at the combination lock, then a sharp, almost visceral _pop_ , and the lid is thrown back.

"My internet connection's _down,_ Moto. I have a tournament to train for. I'm buying all your Duel Monsters cards."

Yugi stares, though thankfully not because Kaiba has an actual corpse in that suitcase. No, it's more of an entranced stare, seeing as there's hundreds upon hundreds of bills, nestled in that case. Such a huge amount, so much money, Grandpa would be so happy if they earned that much in one day, but – no, we can't have a repeat of last Thursday, those riots were almost impossible to quell. And so, Yugi takes a deep breath and shakes his head. "I'm sorry. We can only sell you one booster pack at a time. After you buy one, you'll have to go to the… uh… back of the... aheh… line…" As the hapless cashier approaches the end of his sentence, Kaiba's expression goes from mildly irritated to the sort of fury that could give a hyena nightmares. When he trails off altogether and finds something rather interesting about the floor, there's a horrifying silence that makes the CEO's response all the worse.

" _Give me the cards_ ", Kaiba snarls, and there's a terrible, terrible threat ringing in every italic, the sort that makes Yugi quaver and stammer with his answer, makes his other self growl and demand he be put in charge, so this twit can receive justice in the form of a full body–cast. Just a few seconds, that would be all he'd need, and _shazam_ , full body–cast. True magic, right there. Yugi's very fortunate to have his other self around, even though at present he's ignoring it.

"Y–you can buy them, but only one packet at a time. After that, if there's a queue, you, um, have to go to the back the line and wait your turn. Okay?"

Much to his surprise, Kaiba pulls back, folding his arms – still very angry, still towering over him, but at least he's no longer in Yugi's face. For a moment, the cashier almost thinks he might be about to back down, but then he reminds himself that this guy never, ever backs down, and it's hard to keep the cringing internalized. He guesses that the upset CEO is about to challenge him to a-

"Very well. If we must, we shall duel for the cards! The loser wins every last card in the shop, to do with as he pleases! The winner covers the cost of the cards! How's _that?_ "

-bingo.

 _Oh yes! Let me at him!_ his other self howls. _Full body–cast, here we come!_ Of course, there's more thought after that, but that's about all Yugi can catch before the children's screams of either anticipation or terror drown the vengeful spirit out. Not to be outdone, his other self raises the volume - all in all, it's enough sound and enough stupidity that poor Yuji wants to bash his head against the desk. But with a mighty exertion of free will, and a reminder of last Thursday, the hapless cashier manages to drag himself upright and in doing so, stands up for himself, not to mention his grandad's precious ruling. "I'm s–sorry, but I won't let you walk off with all our cards. And you jumped the line, so" – and here, he _points,_ as though he's so much more assertive than he actually is, what a surprise – "I won't let you buy even one p–pack, until you stand in the queue _properly._ "

Kaiba's lip curls, cold gaze challenging, and suddenly Yugi feels even shorter than usual. The temperature in the room seems to drop several degrees, and looking away and down only results in a lovely view of how the guy's hands are gripping the counter until the knuckles go white against his already very pale skin. All in all, Kaiba is absolutely ready to fight, he _wants_ it, as does Yugi's other self, and the cashier feels like he might just be caught in the middle of one hell of a thunderstorm. But eventually, after what feels like an eternity, the briefcase snaps shut, and he marches off to sulk at the end of the line. Since it's outside the shop, Yugi can even pretend that the CEO just went away altogether, and relax back into the routine, beckoning Kid #1927 forwards due to Kid #1926 having apparently fled long ago.

"...Oh, Booster Pack Two? That'll be seven dollars."

* * *

Fifteen minutes later, and something funny's going on with the line.

Yugi doesn't _quite_ know what it is, but some of his customers are looking rather unhappy, trembling bottom lips and runny noses. They won't say anything on the subject of whatever's happening outside, just take their cards and leave with a shrug, but given that Kaiba is still lurking at the back of the queue, he can hazard a fairly secure guess as to who might be responsible. All the same, the CEO should be at the bottom of the street if he really made good on his word and didn't – _swipe, yep, that'll be six dollars –_ cut in halfway through the line. That's quite the distance from the front end of the queue, but Yugi guesses that with Kaiba's wealth and assets, he might just be able to do something to close the gap. Not that he has any idea _what_ that would be, but there's probably something, and one that plays on his nerves as the line shuffles forwards.

That something becomes abundantly clear when he stares after Kid #1935, then looks back over to a line that seconds ago stretched out the door, but now has an entire two people in it. It's a shock, but what's perhaps even more shocking is that the rest of the line has abandoned their card–buying quest and instead gathered about a familiar brown–mulleted businessman, his briefcase put to one side. Having flashed the Blue Eyes White Dragon in their general direction and said something about an amazing reputation, he's checking through the shop–goer's decks, one by one. It'd be an act almost charitable, if it wasn't for how he sneers, snaps out _'trash'_ , then tosses the hapless shopper's cards to the floor. "Get out of here. No card will ever compensate for your pathetic dueling skills."

Whichever kid was threatened bites his lip and runs, taking several of his companions with him, and Kaiba advances on the few that remain. He makes short work of their cards, littering the ground with their decks and grinding them into the carpet when he walks. Knowing how stubborn and prideful the CEO can be, Yugi wouldn't be surprised if he did this to every other person in the rest of the line. It's a plan despicable, but one that _worked_ , and that may be what's scariest about this customer from hell – Kaiba is about to get exactly what he wants, in the space of approximately fifteen minutes.

A single word from the businessman, and the two children quivering in the shambles of the queue turn and run, leaving Kaiba and Yugi alone together. Kaiba approaches the counter, and Yugi's pretty sure that somewhere the Jaws theme is playing, so predatory and dominant is Kaiba's body language, his shoulders thrown back and head held even higher than usual. Of course, the cashier's other self shouts and screams, demanding that the CEO be punished for – to quote – _"trespassing in the hearts of all those people, like come at me bruh"_ (clearly, someone's been paying too much attention to the internet), but his protests are soundly ignored. The sneering businessman's been punished once before, and Yugi never quite forgave his other self for that. And no, dearest other self, it's not because he likes Kaiba or anything - he just doesn't want to see another person dead. That's absolutely why he saved Kaiba back at Pegasus's castle. There's no other reason, none whatsoever - he just values life, that's all. No, he's not hiding anything, whoever would he do that - no, of course he doesn't have a crush. Definitely not. Nada. Nope.

"And what booster pack do you have there?" he asks, just to get off the subject of his own denial. Foil glints between Kaiba's fingers as he raises the object, flicking it in Yugi's face with the skill of someone very good at cards. All in all, the gesture looks rather cool, though what he doesn't count on is the slipperiness of the packet, a second packet sliding out to land with a dull _thump_ on the countertop. The cashier sighs and shakes his head, raising his voice in attempt to coax back the kids shivering and watching the tableau from the windows and door. He doesn't particularly want to be left alone with this guy, and although it's unlikely that anyone would want to willingly walk into an shop that has Seto Kaiba in it, Yugi is starting to feel rather desperate.

"O–one item at a time. And if a queue forms while you're paying, you have to go to the back and wait. I–is that okay?" He draws out each word, trying to buy time, but it doesn't seem to work. No queue forms no matter how often he pretends to fumble with Kaiba's money or the booster packs, and before long – no, actually, after the worst eternity since he thought Honda was killed off by the CEO's death theme park – every card pack in the shop is stacked high on the counter, a pile of bills stacked neatly next to them.

"That's the last one", he says miserably. "Six dollars."

A curt nod, a sly smile, and the money is passed across the countertop, pressed into a palm sweaty. He heaves a sigh of relief, because at least it's over, at least it's over, but actually – it _isn't_ , not in the least. A single sound rips through the air, and it's even worse than nails on a chalkboard because he knows that sound, knows what it means. That is correct, ladies and gentlemen – our fine protagonist is now trapped forever in hell itself because Kaiba just tore open the top of the packet, and he's started reading – out loud – the text of each and every card in the packet, adding on his own little twist.

"Now, Muto. Listen well, because this first card will spell your doom. _Chaos Emperor Dragon - Envoy of the End!_ The exact, perfect answer to your pathetic Black Luster Soldier." He smirks, flashing the card, not changing the topic (see how perfect it is, look upon your annihilation, ect ect), until the cashier's sighed and glanced at it. Even then, the torture doesn't end – like a child fascinated with Christmas despite that being months away, Kaiba only moves onto the next card, and then the next. It doesn't matter how useless the effect might be, or how cute the picture, or how bizarre the flavour text this guy's determined to milk as much as he can out of each and every one. "Hmm. _Big Koala. Meek, but people are afraid of him because he's very powerful_. Yugi, your deck will absolutely _tremble_ when I unleash this card upon you! Fused with Des Kangaroo, the mighty _Master of Oz_ will flatten your ridiculous excuses of monsters! I'll leave you grovelling at my feet!"

Admittedly, Yugi's fascinated with the game himself. Therefore, for a time – from around the tenth boost pack to the thirtieth – he finds himself lost in how unique every card is, how beautiful and powerful each is, and he almost _understands_ what Kaiba's trying to say towards the end. Every card is special in the right hands, and even though the CEO seems to think that he's the only one blessed with such hands, it's overall kind of the same message as what he's always liked to believe. It's not about the cards, it's about the owners and their skills – it's about the _people_ , about _friendship!_ This is exactly why Yugi was the first to run to Kaiba when he stepped off that helicopter, alive and well, and it's exactly why he stopped his other self from striking that deadly blow when the CEO was threatening to take his own life if he lost their duel. There's something eerily similar about their mindsets, however distorted one might be from the other - a bit like looking at two different shades of blue. Each is different, of course, but Yugi's always been of the opinion that they have something in common with each other, and something quite major at that.

But the thing about Kaiba is that he never knows when enough is enough. Obsessive as ever, he prattles on and on about how _oh yes, this card will absolutely beat you, if I were to use it just like this and then I did this, perhaps with this card, now where did I put it, hmm, hmm, your doom is temporarily on hold moving on to the next one._ It's grating, it's ultimately a very prideful sort of boasting, it sears at his victim's patience, and before long, he's pushed things well beyond the sweet spot. If you think if his constant card-related putdowns as serious - and Kaiba rarely seems to joke - then what he's doing basically becomes a very droning, very nasty, very repetitive sort of rant. Between that and all the hopeful nudging for a fight from his other self, Yugi finds himself with the godfather of all headaches. "Stop! I get it! J–just… Look, you've had your fun. Please, just take your cards and leave me alone!"

His voice starts small, but because Kaiba's tried to talk over the top of him, it rises towards the end, and _bam,_ Yugi's gone and shouted without meaning to, surprising even himself. He feels his own eyes widen in the aftermath, feels his face grow hot, and he looks away in shame and fear for daring to yell at a customer, daring to be comfortable enough with himself to yell at Kaiba. A shy look up, and he feels all the worse, because something like shock has crossed the CEO's features. It's less a crossing and more a cartoon stampede, a mere but highly obvious moment of weakness before his face goes stony, but it's there – as though he was actually _enjoying_ talking about the cards with someone who kind of understood. And maybe that was all he wanted in the first place, a tug on the heartstrings, but – no, no,Yugi couldn't care less what Kaiba wants at this point, and that's what he tells himself, trying to stick to the guns he doesn't really want to fire. The businessman has taken too much, demanded even more, and on top of all that has scared off all his customers.

"Tch." A tongue click, a sharp noise that makes Yugi stop monologuing and pay a little more attention, hardly daring to think or breathe as the businessman sizes him up one last, terrible time. It's over too soon, and it's not long enough - he almost _wants_ to be punished for his insolence now, for hurting Kaiba's feelings, as much as his other self doesn't want him to do that at all. "...Well then, Moto. I'll take just these cards. The rest are worthless to me. Keep the change, I'm in a hurry."

And with that, the irate customer picks up a grand total of three booster packs, leaving behind some five hundred or so. To the mighty Seton Kaiba, maybe what's left over is just 'change', but to just about everyone else on the planet that's far too much to be calling 'change', and it's more than enough to keep Yugi's jaw slack long after his antagonist has turned and walked away. Not even his other self has an answer to give to the CEO's bizarre behaviour. Is this act intended to be generous, dismissive, abusive, or all three? There's no way of knowing, but then again, there rarely is a way of knowing Kaiba's motivations when he doesn't want them to be known – that's why he's so good at playing cards.

 _Still… why did he…?_

The question plagues Yugi for hours afterwards, so much so that a few times he accidentally slips _'Kaiba'_ into his usual greetings with customers, hastily covering his mistake with a nervous laugh and a hasty swipe of a credit card. He tells himself afterwards that he won't do it again, that he'll just stop thinking about the guy's bizarre nature, but he's naturally very curious, and Kaiba was indeed very odd. No, no - Yugi doesn't get why the CEO just left him like that, so cold and callous despite his apparently generous act, and he gets even less why it kind of _hurt_ to watch Kaiba leave, why it _hurt_ to know he'd sent him away. He wants answers, but unable to use his phone given the flow of customers, they're frustratingly out of reach.

So the ringtone some hours later, when the sun's going down, is his saviour of sorts. He snatches the phone eagerly, yells out an 'Excuse me!" to Kid #2015, almost drops it, his "Hello?" high-pitched and rushed and oh–so–nervous. He wants this to be good news, no, no - he wants this to be _Kaiba_ , here to explain why he did what he did back there. He wants answers, craves answers, the pause on the other end's so long, so, so annoying, but eventually, Otogi's voice cuts in. Maybe not the close moral support he could really use right now, but still - Otogi's pretty smart, a shrewd gamer in his own right. He'll know how Kaiba ticks, since he's a buisness-runner himself, so surely he could be of some use-

"Yugi! What a relief - look, can you please get your freaky boyfriend out of my game shop? He won't shut up about you and how you listened to him or something! _And_ he wants to buy all my cards!"

And never before has Yugi wanted to bury a potential saviour, but he guesses there's a first time for everything.

 _...It's gonna be a long night, isn't it?_

* * *

 **A/N:**

\- Apologies for general lack of obvious shipping, you have to read between the lines for the most part - no real shiptease beyond 'oh that's cool we're kinda similar I guess'

\- Further apologies for not using the correct currency, but it was either AU dollars or insult Japan with my general lack of knowledge

\- I think that's everything, so good luck to everyone else in this contest round!


End file.
